joy and sadness

August 4...undoubtedly an extremely emotional day for me. A day of extremes. Joy and sadness.

On this day, seventeen years ago, I became the luckiest gal on earth. Yes, seventeen years ago today, I married Rich. And it has been the most wonderful marriage I can imagine. Is he perfect? No. And of course, I am far from it. But we both believe with all our hearts that we are perfect for each other. Oh yes, I am so extremely blessed! So, of course, it goes without saying that this day brings me incredible joy. My goodness, we were really young once:



As for the sadness, it's a sadness we share. We wanted children from the time we got married, but felt we needed to be responsible and wait until we were more "settled" and financially stable. Rich was in school and we had no insurance. And that was okay. But eventually, we after a few years (despite the fact that Rich was still in school), we decided it was time to start trying. (We at least now had insurance.) But it wasn't as easy as just trying. To make a long story short, we battled infertility for a few years. The problem was endometriosis. But I finally had surgery, and then immediately got pregnant. We were blessed beyond measure to have Annie. A year later we decided it was time to try to add another child to our family. But again, it just wasn't happening. As I was now nearly 35, we didn't wait so long to head back to the doctor. He did surgery again. But this time no immediate miracle. So another year went by until we were finally blessed with another child. A child we weren't sure we would ever have, but a child we had loved nonetheless from the minute we decided to try. And wow...his due date? Our 10th wedding anniversary! What a tremendous anniversary gift, huh? But, it wasn't to be. I miscarried. Casey died before he was born. I know that different people respond to miscarriage in different ways, but it was absolutely devastating to us.

Anyway, this day, the day Casey was "due", brings so much sadness with it. We always miss him, but today, as well as the day we found out that he'd died, are always the hardest.

Back on the day he was due (our 10th anniversary), Rich and I bought a beautiful little tree and planted it for Casey. We didn't have our own home then, and we happened to be visiting his parents then anyway. His parents graciously allowed us to plant this tree in their yard. And when we bought this house, they brought Casey's tree to us. Here is Casey's tree today:



I love you, Rich! And we love you, Casey!