Tuesday, September 02, 2008

the downside of fall

Love fall. Really, truly do. Except for one thing. Back to school. What can I say, I just love having my kiddos around. Despite the fact that, yes, they do drive me crazy from time to time. They wouldn't be kids if they didn't, right?

Maybe I shouldn't admit this. But I cried this morning. Yep, sat down and had myself a big old cry. This is why:



Not quite 11 1/2 years ago, 5 lbs. 2 oz. of beautiful baby girl entered this world and completely stole my heart. She may have grown by 80 pounds, but she's still got my heart and she's still my baby girl. So why do I now have this photo of her heading off for her first college class?!! I know it's the right thing for her, so why is it so hard for me?!! I know, I know, I know that they're supposed to grow up. But why do they have to do it so fast?!!

But despite the fact that I may not have been ready for this, I do, of course, wish her nothing but the best! I hope that this is a fulfilling, challenging experience. I hope that she hasn't bitten off more than she can chew. I hope that she'll be accepted by her fellow students. I hope that this serves to feed her love of writing and of learning.

And selfishly, I hope that she stills needs her mommy now and then.

(Stay tuned for more tears tomorrow when I have to send the boys off for their first day of school.)

19 comments:

Jennifer said...

I'd be crying too! They grow way too fast! College class...that's awesome! Can't wait to hear how it went!

Jean said...

Did Annie get my email last night? I told her that if my experience with Don was any indication, you and Rich would be more nervous than she would be today. Yeah, it's tough. But there are moments that stay with you forever. Mine was driving Don to his college biology lab one night, listening as he listed the Lego sets he might like to get for his 12th birthday. It really did point out to me how hard it must have been for him at times and, by extension, for his parents as well. Hang in there, Debi! She'll do fine, and you will, too!

Lis Garrett said...

Oh wow!

I had tears in my eyes, too!!

We are ALL so proud of Annie!

Eva said...

I'm 22, I've been to college a 20 hour drive from home, I've lived in Russia, and now I'm going to grad school another 20 hour drive from home, and I still need my mom all the time! We talk on the phone pretty much daily. :D So don't worry; my mom is the single most important person in my life, and I'm sure you are in Annie's as well.

Nymeth said...

Awww, Debi. Don't worry, as precocious as Annie is, I'm sure she still needs you a lot, and she still will for a very long time. In fact, she will never stop needing you altogether, because you aren't just her mother: you are her friend, you're someone she trusts and loves and is genuinely close to. That connection that you have will never go away.

Dawn said...

Well Debi, you just must be bursting at the seams with pride!!!! She certainly is a remarkable young lady!!! Look how grown up she looks!!!

I'm looking forward to read how it went for her!

Britt is 28 years old and still needs her mom!!!!!! (I like that she does too!)

take care,
Dawn

Melody said...

Aww...Debi, I know I'd cry too if I were you.

Here's wishing Annie all the best! I know she'll continue to make you all proud. :)

jupitersinclair said...

Awww. It's so bittersweet,isn't it?

my oldest starts college tomorrow. The twins...they're going to public school. I am going to cry, I know it. But wow, am I going to get a lot done during the day without all these kids around (gotta look for the positives,you know ;) )

Kim L said...

Annie sounds like a smart, well-adjusted young lady but she'll always need mom. That's just how it goes!

kreed said...

That is way to many first days of school in one week - I would be broken up, too and I usually only cry at movies and TV shows (unless someone else is crying and then I bawl like a baby!). Annie will do great and I am sure the other students will be lining up to study with her so she can pass on her smarts!

Bryn has been asking when we can see y'all again - I am trying to figure out how we can work in a mega road trip sometime soon...

Joy said...

{{{Debi}}} Hugs for you, Mom and ^ High 5 for Annie!

How'd did the day go for both of you? Do tell! :)

gail@more than a song said...

Oh you're making me teary too! She looks so cute! I know what you mean, I so enjoyed the summers and the kids being home and didn't look forward to school again. And why oh why do they grow up way too fast! Time is just whizzing for me these days!

Chris said...

Annie looks so excited! lol....hope she had a good first day and hope that you're hanging in there too Debi! Congrats to the both of y'all for getting that far..that's some great parenting on your behalf and a lot of hard work on Annie's.

Bookfool said...

That's just what mommies do. You're okay; she's still around and she'll always be your little girl. Annie looks really excited! Good for her!

Trish said...

Debi--I just turned 27 and I still need my mommy now and then. And I'm sure Annie still will. What a beautiful girl--and I wish her lots of luck in her new endeavor. Is she taking a full-load of college courses or just a few in addition?

Carl V. said...

Holy cow! College?!? What class/classes is she taking? I thought I was stressed that my 16 year old was taking dual credit courses in college (and working there too) this year...you've got me beat by a mile.

Too cool for Annie though, I too hope that she adjusts well and really enjoys herself. Don't hesitate to use that email and give me an update!

Debi said...

Jennifer,
"I'd be crying too!"...thanks for saying that. It's so nice to know I'm not the only weepy mom. :)

Jean,
I think you're right that we were more nervous than she was. Not that she was totally jitter-free, but mostly she was just excited.
"...driving Don to his college biology lab one night, listening as he listed the Lego sets he might like to get for his 12th birthday. It really did point out to me how hard it must have been for him at times..." Wow. Yep, I can definitely see why that stuck with you.

Melissa,
What would I do without your support?!! Thank you!

Eva,
Now of course, that made me feel good to hear about you still needing your mom. But more than anything, you left me with such a smile on my face because I just love hearing you talk about her. You two obviously have one extremely special relationship, and every time you talk about her, I hear the love in your words.

Nymeth,
I sure hope you're right! I'm so very lucky, because she's really just such a good kid. And as of today, she must still need me...she's called me four times from school already. Every time it's been with some silly question about the assignments I gave her to work on after her class was over, but from the sounds of it, I really think she just wants to talk. :)

Dawn,
Thanks! And thanks for admitting that you're glad Britt still needs you...makes me feel like maybe I'm not quite so selfish after all. Or if I am, at least I'm not alone. :)

Melody,
Thank you! I think maybe us mommies are just built to cry at such things, huh?

Jupiter,
Oh my goodness...that's just too many changes to handle all at once! I think I might be a basket case if I was you. What made the girls decide to go to public school? Hope they're having fun! And I hope you're enjoying a little more free time...though the little guy's still at home, right? So "more free time" is an extremely relative term, huh?

Kim,
"she'll always need mom. That's just how it goes!"...I'm going to quote you on that to Annie any time I feel it necessary, o.k.?

Kara,
"...unless someone else is crying and then I bawl like a baby!" That totally made me smile, as I can definitely relate.
Tell Bryn I owe her one! We were hoping that we could get out your way this past summer, but when gas prices started rising we decided to go with a few shorter trips instead. Turns out we panicked too soon and should have just gone for it. That whole 20/20 hindsight thing, you know. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for next year though!

Joy,
Thanks! And we both survived. Me possibly with a few extra gray hairs, and Annie with nothing but smiles. :)

Gail,
Thank you! So many moms seem eager for the school year to start each year, but I'm with you...I just never look forward to it.

Chris,
You definitely read her correctly...she was so excited! And I think she was even more excited after her class, if that was possible.
You know, I always feel guilty when someone says we're good parents. As hard as we try to deserve them, mostly I think we just feel blessed to be their parents.

Bookfool,
"That's just what mommies do."...Thank you, it really does help to know one is not alone!

Trish,
Thanks, that really is a good point. Here I am still needing my mom at age 44, so I guess that's a good sign for me, huh?
And no, she's not taking a full load or anything. Just one writing class.

Carl,
No, I think you've got me beat on this one. Annie's just taking one class, and she rides to school on the city bus with Rich, and she spends the afternoon in his office during her school work. While Tori's really out there in the college atmosphere, taking classes and working in the library. You definitely have license to feel a bit bittersweet about it all! It's hard to feel all the pride and the worry and the joy and the sadness all wrapped into one big package! And I hope you'll keep me updated on Tori, too! I'm just so excited for her!

Chris said...

You should never feel guilty for being called a good parent Debi! That's exactly what you are. Take some credit ;) I've always felt that you have an amazing family ever since I've "known" you.

J. Kaye Oldner said...

Tears are so understandable. I do it all the time when it comes to my kids. I fretted all week when Bill, who is an adult, went to classes. If they'd have allowed me, I would have attended classes with him...lol!

Anyway, I am back! Missed ya bunches!!