I just don't have it in me today to write the words that deserve to be written about you, Dewey. I guess I'll never have the words. And that's not simply because my talents don't fall under the heading of eloquence. It's because you were both larger than life, and so very down-to-earth and human all at the same time. You were a sort of glue that held this community together. But not just any old glue...no, it was like the magical fairy dust version or something. :) Because you were such an incredible classy person. Nothing about the love of books was ever a competition for you. Nothing about blogging was ever about popularity for you. Things have changed since you died. And of course, change is the stuff of life. But I don't like so many of these changes, Dewey. And fair or not, I can't help but think how things might be different today in the blogging world if you were still here.
And honestly, as much as all that crap eats at me, it doesn't compare to the incredible void that stills haunts me because my friend Dewey is gone. I miss you so fucking much that sometimes I just can't stand it. I miss our e-mail chats. I miss your advice. I miss every damn thing about you. I'm so grateful to have Ana and Eva and Chris in my life. People who love you and miss you as much as I do. Friends that don't tire of sharing "Dewey stories." You're still such a part of our daily lives. I couldn't begin to count the amount of times we've said, "Oooh, I'd love to hear Dewey respond to that" (because we could always count on you for your incredibly intelligent and sarcastic insights) or how many times we've said, "I remember what Dewey said about that book" or how many times we've said, "Oh, how I wish Dewey had had the chance to read this book."
You know, I don't believe that you can actually hear me. And I know that you didn't believe it either. And yet somehow, I can't stop talking to you. And you know, I know you wouldn't even make fun of me for it. Well, if you did, it would only be with kindness and friendship behind it. ;)
Dewey, I love you so very much.