Wednesday, November 25, 2009

a year without you

I just don't have it in me today to write the words that deserve to be written about you, Dewey. I guess I'll never have the words. And that's not simply because my talents don't fall under the heading of eloquence. It's because you were both larger than life, and so very down-to-earth and human all at the same time. You were a sort of glue that held this community together. But not just any old glue...no, it was like the magical fairy dust version or something. :) Because you were such an incredible classy person. Nothing about the love of books was ever a competition for you. Nothing about blogging was ever about popularity for you. Things have changed since you died. And of course, change is the stuff of life. But I don't like so many of these changes, Dewey. And fair or not, I can't help but think how things might be different today in the blogging world if you were still here.

And honestly, as much as all that crap eats at me, it doesn't compare to the incredible void that stills haunts me because my friend Dewey is gone. I miss you so fucking much that sometimes I just can't stand it. I miss our e-mail chats. I miss your advice. I miss every damn thing about you. I'm so grateful to have Ana and Eva and Chris in my life. People who love you and miss you as much as I do. Friends that don't tire of sharing "Dewey stories." You're still such a part of our daily lives. I couldn't begin to count the amount of times we've said, "Oooh, I'd love to hear Dewey respond to that" (because we could always count on you for your incredibly intelligent and sarcastic insights) or how many times we've said, "I remember what Dewey said about that book" or how many times we've said, "Oh, how I wish Dewey had had the chance to read this book."

You know, I don't believe that you can actually hear me. And I know that you didn't believe it either. And yet somehow, I can't stop talking to you. And you know, I know you wouldn't even make fun of me for it. Well, if you did, it would only be with kindness and friendship behind it. ;)

Dewey, I love you so very much.

15 comments:

Amanda said...

Seeing all these tributes around make me even sadder that I never got to know Dewey. I'd barely heard of her maybe a week or two before she died, because of a Weekly Geeks post. I knew how influential she was, though, and when she died, despite not knowing her personally, I was really shocked to find out. It doesn't touch the sorrow all of you have felt, but I just wanted to say I can empathize, just a little tiny bit.

Wendy said...

Thank you for this tribute, Debi...I read it with tears streaming down my face. Things *are* different since Dewey left us...and like you, I still miss her A LOT.

Nymeth said...

*gigantic hugs*

I miss her sarcasm. I miss her calling me her "nemesis" and accusing me of cackling whenever I got a point in the blame game. I miss being introduced to awesome books I'd never even heard of before. I miss her encouragement and support. I miss her, period :(

Vivienne said...

I wish I had got the opportunity to know her. She sounded like a wonderful human being.

Staci said...

I had only blogged for about a month and didn't get the chance to know Dewey like you did, when I heard of her passing. She sounds like such a wonderful person and I only wish that I would've gotten to know her. My thoughts are with you and to those that were her dear friends.

Eva said...

*hugs* It's a sad, sad day Debi. But I'm so glad that I know you thanks to her read-a-thon.

Lizzie said...

Thank you for this. :)

Chris said...

Oh just perfect Debi...so perfect. i couldn't have said it better. And I had completely forgotten about her calling Ana her Nemesis...that put a smile on my face :)

Care said...

HUGS! I can't express how I feel, either. somber, humble, awe, sad, and yet I ... (deep breath) I do want to say I continue to be charmed? I so appreciated her humor and her kindness and her BRIGHT intelligence, her generosity - these things make me smile. Maybe she IS the magical fairy dust of book blogging?

Carl V. said...

Great tribute, Debi. I am so sorry for your loss as I know you were one of the people who were very close to her. I'm sure she has been thrilled with all the things that have happened this year to keep her memory and her spirit alive this past year. It has truly been amazing to see.

I'm not sure if the popularity contests or competitions are any more prevalent now than before, those things seem to go hand in had with the blogging experience for some, but a person like Dewey was shined a light and was an example of how community building a blog could be. She was one of a kind.

小劉 said...

good.........................................................

Stephanie said...

Beautifully said, even if you don't believe it.

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Melanie said...

beautiful.

kreed said...

Even if she doesn't hear you, the little pieces of herself she left behind in all of her friends still hear you. So keep on talking...

Hugs to you.

Kailana said...

Great post, Debi!