Tuesday, September 08, 2009

those back to school blues

Let me just admit it...I'm selfish.

Tomorrow the boys go back to school...and I'm miserable. I don't want to be miserable, but dammit, I am.

Yes, I am excited for them. They both have incredible teachers this year. (I know because they each have the same teacher as they did last year.) They both have great classmates. (Again, the same ones as last year.) Gray is starting violin this year. They're both excited about chess club. It's a good thing.

So, why have I unsuccessfully been fighting back tears the past couple days just thinking about it?!! Yeah, I guess it's that whole selfish thing, huh? Bottom line, it just isn't as fun around here when they're not around. :(

I guess I should count myself lucky though...Annie will be around! At least on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. She's still being homeschooled, and we're both really excited about the upcoming school year. She actually started her school year today. She's taking another class at the community college this semester. Children's Literature...and man, am I jealous! Anyway, this means I prepare her assignments for her other classes and send them with her on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and she spends her day on campus.

So anyway, if I get this depressed each fall when school starts, how I am ever going to survive when they all move out?!! I'd like to say that I will feel nothing but overwhelming joy for them moving on with their lives, chasing their dreams. So yeah, that means I really need to put in some work on this pathetic selfishness of mine, don't I?

16 comments:

Eva said...

*hugs*

I don't think it's pathetic selfishness at all-I think it means you're an amazing mother. :D Some of my friends had moms who couldn't wait for them to go back to school, and that showed, and made them feel less loved. So you're just bathing your kids in love!!!

And I bet they miss you just as much. :D

Jean said...

"...I will feel nothing but overwhelming joy for them moving on with their lives, chasing their dreams." Chasing their dreams, and what about your dreams? Dr. Jean suggests you remember your own dreams, and look forward, even if it's just a little bit for now, to the days when you can get back to chasing them. Take 10 or 15 minutes on a Tuesday or Thursday, when you're alone, and meditate on those dreams, your dreams, Debi's dreams. The munchkins need to see that Mom has dreams, too; it will help them value their own.

Getting off my soapbox now and going back to the reality of learning LaTeX.

Louise said...

Aww, I don't know how old your kids are, but can easily understand those back-to-school-blues. I hope you will be able to cheer up soon. After all, the kids are probably excited to be back in school. I remember I was each year when a new semester began :o)

Debi said...

Eva,
No, I'm really not amazing, but you are so very sweet to say so!

Jean,
It's not that I disagree with about parents deserving their own dreams. But I don't think having kids around necessarily stops one from pursuing one's dreams. Well, if my dream was to solo-sail around the world or something, I can see that being a problem. :)

Louise,
Yeah, that's exactly why I feel selfish. They're going to have a great time.

Nymeth said...

Debi, having feelings is NOT selfish. It would be selfish to lock them in the house and throw away the key. It would be selfish to keep them from living their lives for our own benefit (which believe me, some parents try to do). It is NOT selfish to feel sad!

And Children's lit! I'm jealous of Annie too.

Stacy at Exceedingly Mundane said...

I don't think you're selfish at all! You have every right to feel blue or sad, but this too shall pass :) Hang in there and find joy in the day!

Kailana said...

I took Children's Literature in university and loved it. Such a great course. :) (at my school, anyways!)

Amanda said...

I'm going with what Eva says: You are an amazing mother.

I admit, I'm completely happy when my kids go back to school. I'm afraid I don't really fit this whole stay at home mom thing very well. But that's okay,that's who I am. I hope you feel better soon, Debi.

Melody said...

You're definitely not a selfish mother, Debi! All I see is a loving and an amazing mother! *Hugs*

Dawn said...

You know I think if I were home and Tim was going off to school I would feel the same way. I feel lucky that I get to bring him to school with me. I feel like I am part of his day that way.

I wish the boys a wonderful year and the same for Annie. She is a remarkable young lady.

You will be fine. Each year I give this little note to the parents in my class. It says, "Thank you for entrusting your child to me. I promise to do my best every day to be your child’s companion in learning.
After you have wiped your tears, make yourself a nice warm cup of tea. Put your feet up and relax. Then hold the cotton ball in your hand. The softness will help you recall the gentle spirit of your child. I will work alongside you this year to help your child grow. " I give them each a tissue, cotton ball and tea. I wish I had one on its way to you for tomorrow. Now, that the same comforting thoughts are coming your way.

take care,
Dawn

Kim L said...

Although I don't have kids, I can well imagine the emotions wrapped up in the back to school time. I bet your kids will do just fine, and so will you! I'm starting school again myself, and I definitely have back to school blues.

Staci said...

I don't think you're being selfish at all. Sometimes I would like to rewind time and go back to when my boys were 5 and 3. Those were the best times ever!! How old is your daughter???That is so awesome that she's taking classes at the JC level. Good for her!!

Carl V. said...

Although I feel your pain I am excited for your kids. Sounds like they have some real fun times ahead of them this school year.

Annie will love the Children's Lit class, I imagine. I'm so excited for her.

We are getting a taste of the empty nest syndrome right now. Tori is off with a friend house sitting for two weeks. We'll see her off and on over the two weeks, but not a lot. It is weird, but we are having fun and I know she is as well.

Stephanie said...

Not selfish. I felt the same way, especially when Ana left for her first day of kindergarten. Mostly I was sad my kiddies are growing up. I'm lucky because I love the kids school and their teachers. They have received such a wonderful education, and have accomplished far more than they would have if I had been homeschooling. Especially with the activities they are in.

Take some of that alone time and enjoy it. I'd give a lot for just a small piece of it!

Vivienne said...

I know how you feel. I didn't sleep the night before mine went back to school. Though they were going back to a teacher I am not fond of and they were scare too. She shouts all the time and I am feeling quite stressed about them all day. I am actually looking forward to mine finishing school now.

Kelly said...

THANK YOU!! My oldest is *gulp almost 31 years old, and my youngest is almost 15, and every year I hate the beginning of school. I've always thought that every other mom in the world would think I'm a freak, because..DARN IT..I miss their faces when they go back to school. I miss hanging out with them (now just her..*sad face...they're all growed up except for her).

It's not like I stay home all day and mope, I have more than enough to do to occupy my life and time. Lord knows, I'm never bored. But that doesn't mean that I can't miss some of my favorite people when they're away.

I think you're an awesome mom, and I'd like to tell you that it gets better and you miss them less. But really, my oldest lives 3 hours away now, and we only see him every few months. I think I'll always miss his face...but its so great when we get to spend time together. So I takes what I can gets! There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your family!